E3 2013 – Saints Row IV Impressions



I had high expectations for this game based on their Saints Row The Third performance.  From their flippant marketing campaigns to all of the insane little touches that never got old to their core gameplay that made it a contender for game of the year.

But these expectations were coupled with a Kafka-esque dread.  Sequels like this rely on an even more ludicrous plot, ever more absurd scenarios, and an ever expanding reservoir of gall.  With its predecessor doing such a damn fine job in said categories, how could IV live up?  It seemed impossible.

Fortunately, Volition is up for braving the impossible.

This one opens up with the main character as President of the United States.  Seems like a natural trajectory right?  Gang leader, hip hop star, energy drink promoter, President.  His administration is naturally an extension of his Third Streets Saints posse though – different gang members are in the cabinet, there are guns “every five feet in the Whitehouse”, and every aid has remarkable cleavage.

Here’s a play-by-play of the opening sequence as he walks to a press conference in the opening scenes:

-          The Majority Whip stops him: “We only have enough clout in Congress to pass one of these bills. [He holds up the bills]  Do you want to cure cancer [bill entitled ‘Fuck Cancer’] or end world hunger [bill entitled ‘Let them Eat Cake’]?

“Cancer had a good run, but it’s over” [I went with ending cancer]

-          The Minority Whip stops him: “Your administration can’t just do whatever you want.  Our party won’t stand for it!  I’ve got one word for you: filibuster!”

[The two options:]

Take the High Road [punch him in the face]

Take the Low Road [punch him in the junk]

Before much more can happen Aliens invade and start beaming away your friends/gangsters/the entire Executive branch.  Naturally not standing for that, he shoots his way out of the Whitehouse, slides down a fallen pillar, and lands in a giant turret.  He then proceedes to shoot down waves of enemy ships and giving the aliens multiple executive flips of the bird.

Eventually he gets captured though, and he must use his newly found super powers to beat the aliens in a virtual world.  Essentially he turns into Neo with Steelport as his Matrix to destroy…while he saves it.

Here’s a breakdown of some of the guns at his disposal:

-          A Super Soaker

-          A gun that fires black holes that sucks up everything into it

-          A lightsaber

-          A dubstep gun that, when ‘fired’, plays dubstep music and forces your targets to do dumb dubstep moves

-          Dual Tron guns

This is all in addition to his special moves, which allow him to toss cars at spaceships, people at spaceships, spaceships at people, light stuff on fire, freeze stuff, an OP ground stomp, etc.  You’re basically god.

I have no idea how they’ll top this with the next sequel.  Space?  Alternate Dimensions?  Dali paintings?  Who knows.

Author: Wu


  1. the saints now know that there are alines out there and spoiler alert have all of the zin empire at their disposal i think the saints will have to take over different galixys to stop a greater threat

    Post a Reply
  2. We the humans have an awesome imaginary but the so called professional game producer designer BS, they don’t even know what they made the story out to be I on other hand have several ways to extend saints row to 4 to saints row 44.

    Post a Reply


  1. Bad Cop: Saints Row 4 Review | The Flashy Review - […] It bears mentioning that Saints Row 4 began as an expansion for Saints Row The Third.  It was dubbed …

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>