Something dawned on me while sitting through Activision’s bloated Call of Duty appointment, a two and a half hour engagement that my self-respect forced me to abbreviate. For a series that gets consistently shat on for working up insufficient innovation between its yearly iteration, there’s one element the nay-sayers consistently leave out: Modern Warfare’s increasingly preposterous plot. MW 2’s story was already based on a tremendous contrivance – the idea that an uprising happened in Russia, which led to a full scale invasion of America, sparked off with a surprise attack of Gary, Indiana and culminating in a battle over the key strategic foothold of the White House rose garden. Along the way they managed to make the International Space Station collateral damage.
Very impressive work gentlemen. And now for MW 3 we’re told that Russia has successfully invaded England, France, and Germany while the global community was on lunch break. Validating our worst fears, the demo showed the Russians keying into America’s strongest strategic asset, The New York Stock Exchange; they’ve also reportedly foiled dozens of English tea times.
This kind of vigorous plot construction points to a level of creative genius that is unmatched on the distended FPS market. Thankfully Infinity Ward is not plagued by the same historical constraints of Treyarch’s titles, providing requisite license to let their artistic minds run willy-nilly. What is the source of this unfettered brilliance, what individuals could be responsible for this inspirato per annum? Under the guise of a special press briefing, the Flashy Review infiltrated Activision’s secret bunker under Mt. Rushmore and witnessed firsthand their demiurgic process.
Using two laptops that can only access Wikipedia and Google Image searches of explosions, two 17 year old virtuosos craft the story under heavy use of marijuana and grueling 5 hour days. A special computer program designed by DARPA then converts all of the script’s instances of “dude” into a random national monument blowing up and continually gravels up each character’s voice based on fist bumps given and received. Sufficient number results in automatic Ex-Delta status and the computer algorithms comport the rest of the story accordingly. A full transcript of the dynamic duo’s dialectical process will be following shortly in Part 2.